Monday, June 27, 2011

Crazy Lady

I'm not sure starting this again is a good idea, considering I don't think anyone reads this (especially those that I created it for to begin with), but I was very good at updating this blog when Charlie was born and, if possible, I should do it for my second child. I would love to look back and have the documentation of our lives.
I already see how it's hard to do things exactly the same with your second. I am so overwhelmed at times with the idea of bringing a baby home, that the reality of how it will go may just be the end of me. Charlie has decided he is in a mommy stage. My neighbor says that he must know the baby is coming. However, he doesn't seem to get it when we talk about the "baby in mommy's belly" and that he is getting a sister. He is a challenging child. I wouldn't change a thing about him, he is perfect to me and Bob, but he is challenging. Verbally he is developing slowly, he is a young 27 months and has a lot of baby still in him. He also has a temper. This temper seems to be expressed by him banging his head on things - the harder the better it seems. 85% of the time, he is sweet, loving and so much fun to play with. He gets overwhelmed when people are around and I blame me! We spent a lot of his first 2 years just the 2 of us and now he just doesn't always want to share mommy and mommy's attention. Maybe this is normal, maybe I am paranoid or maybe I have done a horrible job and I can start trying now to fix it and get him ready for "school" in the fall.
Okay, I know that sounded terribly negative. He is the best thing that has happened to me and I love him more than anything. I am just being very honest about life and our "mania" as the blog title suggests. I spend my days with a 2 year old, with little adult conversation, so this online journal may, at times, be therapy for this crazy mommy.
Speaking of crazy - let's talk about nesting. For those that know me very well, you know that I don't make lists, I don't do things far in advance and I don't worry about what's to come, I just bury my head, and hope for the best. There is a very good reason that my mother has always referred to me as "my father's child" and "bull in a china shop." As my dad will attest, things always get done and it's usually ok. It just maybe last minute and take a little more cleaning up. So, the pages of lists and instructions that I have typed for any and all that take care of Charlie while I am in the hospital, the cleanliness of my house, the empty laundry hampers, the stocked fridge and the packed suitcase, are the work of someone that I am not used to being. I will tell you, it almost makes me more anxious to be so prepared. The idea of running out of things to do is not comfortable for me when I am used to working on things up to the last second. I was convinced last week that labor was on it's way, but now I feel fine. Energy is up, contractions are easing - except when I am busy or out for walks and my edgy attitude and emotions have calmed as well. Charlie was a week and a half early, so by his schedule she could be here next week. If God does his usual with me, she will be late and I will have learned another lesson in being patient and waiting for His time and not mine. I just need to relax...
My 37 week check-up is this week. At 36 weeks, she was transverse (which means sideways) instead of head down. If on Wednesday she is still not head down, we will go to the hospital Thursday morning and my doctor will try and manually turn her into the right position so that we can try and avoid a c-section. I am hoping this works and I am sent home to just let things happen on their own. This child is already stubborn! Charlie was face-up, but at least head down. I am not sure why my children like to make things difficult in the womb. I also seem to make kidneys that don't work perfectly. We are waiting to get more word on baby girl's kidneys, but it looks like she may have the same issue Charlie has. Luckily, we know this is something that we will monitor and hopefully not have to react to. Just something to keep up with.
All in all, things have been great throughout this pregnancy. Had a really rough start, but then a really easy time the rest of the way - if you take out major low back pain, major pressure in all the wrong places, trouble sleeping and other minor pregnancy irritations. Any woman who has given birth knows that these symptoms just come along with it, not anything to complain about. I have gained 24lbs which is less than half of what I gained with Charlie and my back hurts so much worse. Would it make sense that my hugeness with Charlie gave me a better base to carry him around? I am definitely all belly (well, all belly and boobs). This just makes me hopeful that the getting back or surpassing my pre-pregnancy weight may not take as long this time around.
I will end today with this in an attempt to redeem myself and my negativity: I am very lucky. I have a wonderful, successful husband. I have a beautiful, fun and loving toddler and I am about to meet my daughter. Not bad.
Little man is calling - nap time is over and the hug I get when he gets out of his crib is the best part of the day.

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1 comment:

Keri Donald said...

I love your honesty (and the look of your blog!)! :)

Everything will work itself out with your toddler and the new baby coming. :) Sounds like he's just going through the normal terrible-twos. Starting school will definitely help. It seems like boys have a harder time letting go of their Mommies, so be prepared for possibly lots of tears the first few weeks of school. If that happens, it's VERY hard to do, but you have to just trust that the teachers will take good care of him and give him a big hug and kiss, then just walk out the door! :(

Hope all goes well with your baby girl! I can definitely relate to playing the waiting game! But you're right... she'll come in God's time!

Good luck!