Thursday, June 30, 2011

Not my "version" of fun...

Thank God that is over! For a procedure that took, literally, two minutes, I am worn out, beat up and sore! None of that matters because we successfully turned baby girl around and now I wait until she is ready to make her appearance. She is already slightly high maintenance, so I expect this entrance into the world to be nothing but grand and miraculous.
For those of you not familiar with a version, this is an interesting experience. I started by getting an IV of fluids, then an epidural (which kept having to be redirected so I am in a lot of pain in my back), then they give you a shot of a medication to relax your uterus. They know it's taken effect when your heart rate sky rockets. For some reason, it took me a long time to react. My doctor assumes I must have super powers and was discussing writing me up in a medical journal as the first person not to respond to this medicine. Finally, my body decided to respond and he grabbed her head from outside my stomach, another doctor grabbed her butt and they pushed down on me as hard as they could and moved her little body around almost 180 degrees until she was head down. She cooperated the first try, so everyone was thrilled and I was very glad it didn't take longer than a few minutes. Bob said he could see her outline and it was very interesting to watch. So, now we hang out and hope she stays put.
This little procedure's biggest purpose is to help me avoid having a c-section. I know there are many reasons why c-sections are safest and best, but in my case, I am better off having another baby the regular old way and not have to go through the recovery of major surgery. This has gotten me thinking about all the little and big things we do as mothers to ensure the safety and protection of our children, even before they have entered this world. Charlie will be better off if I only have a few days of recovery rather than a few weeks and now that Caroline is in position, we can let her take the lead and do things when she is ready. Motherhood is a hard job and you put yourself in any situation needed to do what's best for your child. Some would argue that letting my doctors "manhandle" her today was not in her best interest, but I believe I did the right thing and the success we had proves that my instinct and the trust I have in my doctor is right. No matter how many times this instinct is correct, we still question daily if we have done the right thing because, at the end of the day, this is the most important job in the world.
More than anything, I am emotionally worn out from this experience. Thank you to everyone that had us in your prayers and thoughts today. I appreciate those of you that let us know you were thinking of us and hoping things went well. I especially appreciate Grandma Paula being here with Charlie so Bob and I had nothing else to worry about. Now being on the other side of it, I realize how much of my worry was for nothing, but it's still nice to feel supported and thought of.
I promise the next post about this baby will be the happy news that she has arrived. I am much more relaxed about the uncertainty of when she will be here. It's much better for me to keep her safe where she is and let nature take action. Plus, I only have a tiny amount of time left with just Charlie and this time with him should be spent having a good time and loving each other, not wondering if today is the day. It's funny how you start mourning your one-on-one time with your first. You know this is the only child that had you and you alone for a few years. I am going to miss it being the two of us during the day, but am equally as excited about loving 2 little people and caring for both of them.
Ok, good night. My emotional, "coming off the meds" discussion of today is over.
Hope everyone has a great long weekend! Happy 4th of July!!

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Monday, June 27, 2011

Crazy Lady

I'm not sure starting this again is a good idea, considering I don't think anyone reads this (especially those that I created it for to begin with), but I was very good at updating this blog when Charlie was born and, if possible, I should do it for my second child. I would love to look back and have the documentation of our lives.
I already see how it's hard to do things exactly the same with your second. I am so overwhelmed at times with the idea of bringing a baby home, that the reality of how it will go may just be the end of me. Charlie has decided he is in a mommy stage. My neighbor says that he must know the baby is coming. However, he doesn't seem to get it when we talk about the "baby in mommy's belly" and that he is getting a sister. He is a challenging child. I wouldn't change a thing about him, he is perfect to me and Bob, but he is challenging. Verbally he is developing slowly, he is a young 27 months and has a lot of baby still in him. He also has a temper. This temper seems to be expressed by him banging his head on things - the harder the better it seems. 85% of the time, he is sweet, loving and so much fun to play with. He gets overwhelmed when people are around and I blame me! We spent a lot of his first 2 years just the 2 of us and now he just doesn't always want to share mommy and mommy's attention. Maybe this is normal, maybe I am paranoid or maybe I have done a horrible job and I can start trying now to fix it and get him ready for "school" in the fall.
Okay, I know that sounded terribly negative. He is the best thing that has happened to me and I love him more than anything. I am just being very honest about life and our "mania" as the blog title suggests. I spend my days with a 2 year old, with little adult conversation, so this online journal may, at times, be therapy for this crazy mommy.
Speaking of crazy - let's talk about nesting. For those that know me very well, you know that I don't make lists, I don't do things far in advance and I don't worry about what's to come, I just bury my head, and hope for the best. There is a very good reason that my mother has always referred to me as "my father's child" and "bull in a china shop." As my dad will attest, things always get done and it's usually ok. It just maybe last minute and take a little more cleaning up. So, the pages of lists and instructions that I have typed for any and all that take care of Charlie while I am in the hospital, the cleanliness of my house, the empty laundry hampers, the stocked fridge and the packed suitcase, are the work of someone that I am not used to being. I will tell you, it almost makes me more anxious to be so prepared. The idea of running out of things to do is not comfortable for me when I am used to working on things up to the last second. I was convinced last week that labor was on it's way, but now I feel fine. Energy is up, contractions are easing - except when I am busy or out for walks and my edgy attitude and emotions have calmed as well. Charlie was a week and a half early, so by his schedule she could be here next week. If God does his usual with me, she will be late and I will have learned another lesson in being patient and waiting for His time and not mine. I just need to relax...
My 37 week check-up is this week. At 36 weeks, she was transverse (which means sideways) instead of head down. If on Wednesday she is still not head down, we will go to the hospital Thursday morning and my doctor will try and manually turn her into the right position so that we can try and avoid a c-section. I am hoping this works and I am sent home to just let things happen on their own. This child is already stubborn! Charlie was face-up, but at least head down. I am not sure why my children like to make things difficult in the womb. I also seem to make kidneys that don't work perfectly. We are waiting to get more word on baby girl's kidneys, but it looks like she may have the same issue Charlie has. Luckily, we know this is something that we will monitor and hopefully not have to react to. Just something to keep up with.
All in all, things have been great throughout this pregnancy. Had a really rough start, but then a really easy time the rest of the way - if you take out major low back pain, major pressure in all the wrong places, trouble sleeping and other minor pregnancy irritations. Any woman who has given birth knows that these symptoms just come along with it, not anything to complain about. I have gained 24lbs which is less than half of what I gained with Charlie and my back hurts so much worse. Would it make sense that my hugeness with Charlie gave me a better base to carry him around? I am definitely all belly (well, all belly and boobs). This just makes me hopeful that the getting back or surpassing my pre-pregnancy weight may not take as long this time around.
I will end today with this in an attempt to redeem myself and my negativity: I am very lucky. I have a wonderful, successful husband. I have a beautiful, fun and loving toddler and I am about to meet my daughter. Not bad.
Little man is calling - nap time is over and the hug I get when he gets out of his crib is the best part of the day.

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